BAC/IELOR 
BIGOTRIES 

■       w                         \  ^^K 

EXUBRIS  UNIVERSIIY  OF  CALIFORNIA^  j 


'Vi 


JOHN  HENRY  NASH  LIBRARY 

^  SAN  FRANCISCO  ^ 

PRESENTED  lOTHE 

UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 

ROBERT  GORDON  SPROUL,  PRESIDENT. 
<»    BY"  * 

Mr.andMbs.MILTON  S.RAY 
CECILY,  VIRGINIA  AND  ROSALYN  RAY 

AND  THE 

RAY  OIL  BURNER  COMPANY 


SAN  FRANCISCO 
NEV/YORK 


xiCi*:. 


^^i:^.^,^' 


^ 


"As  for  the  women,  though  we  scorn  and  flout  *em, 
We  may  live  with  but  cannot  live  vsathout  *em." 


BACHELOR 
BIGOTRIES 


COMPILED  BY  AN  OLD  MAID 
AND  APPROVED  BY  A  YOUNG 
BACHELOR.  ILLUSTRATED 
BY     AN,     EX-BACHELOR 


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mo^    biting    when    grated. 
—  Richler. 


PUBLISHED    BY    A 
YOUNG  MARRIED  MAN 


£^ 


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BACHELOR  " 
BIGOTRIES 


U 


Illustrated  by  A.   F.  WILLMARTH 

COPYRIGHT    1903,    BY 
PAUL  ELDER  AND  COMPANY 


Tis  pleasant  business  making  books 
When  other  people  himish  brains." 


PAUL  ELDER  AND  COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS,  SAN   FRANCISCO 


yr  .  ""^^y 


In  spite  of  all  that  these  pages  may 

contain  to  prove  the 

contrary 

"  I  know  the  thing  that's  moSt  uncommon 
(  Envy  be  silent  and  attend  ), 
I  know  k  reasonable  woman. 

Handsome  and  witty,  yet  a  friend." 


To  her,  my  si^er,  and  to  my 

old  bachelor  brother 

this  little  volume  is  affedtionately  dedicated 

by  the 

OLD  MAID 


If  a  fellow's  bound  to  marry  a  fool,  and 
a  lot  of  men  have  to  if  they're  going  to  hitch 
up  into  a  well-matched  team,  there's  nothing 
like  picking  a  good-looking  one. 

—  George  Horace  Lorimer. 

January  Seventh 

Lager,  der  girls,  und  der  dollars  —  dey 
makes  or  dey   breaks  a  man.       Kipling. 


January  Eighth 

All  my  friends  who  have  embraced 
Popery  have  done  better  than  those  who 
have  embraced  wives.  Houghton. 


January  Eleventh 


You  spend  a  year  worrying  because  you 
think  Bill  Jones  is  going  to  cut  you  out  with 
your  best  girl,  and  then  you  spend  ten 
worrying  because  he  didn't. 

—  George  Horace  Lorimer. 


January  Twelfth 

These  poor,  silly  woman  things  —  they  Ve 
not  the  sense  to  know  it*s  no  use  denying 
what's  proved.  —George  Eliot. 


January  Thirteenth 

He'd  sparked  it  with  full  twenty  gals, 
He'd  sqmred  'em,  danced  'em,  druv  'em, 
Fu^  this  one  and  then  that,  by  spells  — 
All  is,  he  couldn't  love  'iem.         Lowell. 

January  Fourteenth 

A  Bonnie  lass,  I  will  confess, 

Is  pleasant  to  the  e'e ; 
But  without  some  better  quality. 

She's  no  a  lass  for  me.  Burns. 

January  Fifteenth 

'K  '!^  >:<  jj-  jg  Qj^ly  [j^  qIJ  bachelors'  and  old 
maids'  dreams  of  wedded  life  that  there  are 
no  family  jars  or  scrapping  matches. 

—  Dorothy  Dix. 

January  Sixteenth 

Love  is  not  in  our  power, 
Nay,  what  seems  danger,  is  not  in  our  choice. 

—  Froude, 


January  Nineteenth 


— by  love  the  young  and  tender  wit 
Is  turned  to  folly.  —Shakespeare. 


January  Twentieth 

Keep  your  eyes  wide  open  before  mar- 
riage ;  half  shut  afterwards^ 

—  Poor  Richard. 


All  down  the  loose-walled  lanes  in  archin' 

bowers, 
The   barb'ry    droops   its    brings   o'  golden 

flowers, 
Whose  shrinkin*  hearts  the  school  gals  love 

to  try 
With  pins, —  they'll  worry  your*n  so,  boys, 

bimeby.  —Lowell. 

January  Twenty-second 

Woman  is  a  bundle  of  pins ; 
Man  is  her  pincushion. 

—  Henry  Harland- 


January  Twenty-third 

What  a  Grange   thing  is  man!     And 
what  a  Granger  is  woman  !  — Byron 


January  Twenty-fourth 

A   ^ory    without  a  hero — "Recollec- 
tions of  a  married  man."  Puck. 


January  Twenty-sixth 

Woman,  Man,  or  God  or  Devil,  was 
there  anything  we  feared  ?  Kipling. 


January  Twenty-seventh 

The  man  who  shrinks  from  attra(5ling 
attention  should  marry.  —Life. 


January  Twenty-eighth 

Woman's  faith  and  woman's  tru^ 
Write  the  charadters  in  du^. 

—  Sir  Walter  Scott. 


January  Thirtieth 

"  They  are  fools  who  kiss  and  tell,*'  wisely 

hath  the  poet  sung ; 
Man  may  hold  all  sorts  of  po^s,  if  hell  only 

hold  his  tongue.  —Kipling. 


January  Thirty-fir^ 


Time  IS  ungallguit,  it  tells  on  a  woman. 

—Life. 


February  Fir^ 

Matrimony   is   a    two-handed    play   in 
which  from  the  beginning  one  always  cheats. 
— Vada  Agnew. 


February  Second 

He  is  a  fool  who,  thinks  by  force  or  skill 
To  turn  the  curren{  of  a  woman's  will. 
"  —  Sir  Samuel  Tuke. 


February  Third  ^* 

Men  have  died  ere  this,  ^ 
And  worms  have  eaten  tbcnC 
But  not  for  love.  -^   ''—Shakespeare. 


February  Seventh 

Wisely  I  say,  I  am  a  bachelor. 

—  Shakespeare. 


February  Eighth 

What  courage  can  with^and  the  ever- 
during  and  all-besetting  terrors  of  a  v/oman's 
tongue?  -Irving. 


February  Eleventh 


Single  blessedness  and  married  cussed- 
ness.  —  Ethel  Watts  Mumf ord. 


February  Twelfth 

A  man  may  drink,  and  no  be  drunk ; 
A  man  may  fi^t  and  no  be  slain ; 
A  man  may  kiss  a  bonnie  lass, 
And  aye  be  welcome  back  again. 

—  Bums. 


February  Fifteenth 

The  Kf  e  of  an  intelKgent  bachelor  is  very 
well  worth  living.  _  Max  O'Rell. 


February  Sixteenth 

Ay;  marriage  is  the  life-long  miracle! 
—  Charles  Kingsley. 


February  Seventeenth 

I  takes  my  pipe,  I  takes  my  pot ; 

And  drunk  Fm  never  seen  to  be ; 
Tm  no  teetotaler,  or  sot, 

And  as  I  am  I  mean  to  be. 

—  Gilbert. 


February   Eighteenth 

Women  are  made  for  our  comfort  and 
delegation,  gentlemen,  with  all  the  re^  of 
the  minor  animals.  Thackeray. 


February    Nineteenth 

It's  the  sillied  lie  a  sensible  man  like  you 
ever  believed,  to  say  a  woman  makes  a 
bouse  comfortable.  George  Eliot. 


"  YouVe  airas  a  layin'  everything  to 
women  or  reKgion,  Captain  Pharo  Kobbe!*' 

"  Don't  mention  on  'em  in  the  same 
breath,"  said  the  Captain,  "don't.  They 
hadn't  never  orter  be  classed  together." 

-  Sarah  P.  McLean  Greene. 


February   Twenty-second 


Fir^  among  the  women,  an'  amazin*  fir^  , 
in  war  —Kipling,    . 


February  Twenty-third 

You  shall  see  that  wealth  and  women 
are  deceitful  ju^  the  same.      — Bret  Harte. 


February  Twenty-fourth 

Gladys — Auntie,  when  does  a  woman 
commence  to  grow  old  ? 

Aunt  Broadhead — Ju^  as  soon  as  she 
begins  to  underhand  why  it  is  her  husband 
does  not  seem  to  pity  his  old  bachelor  friends. 

—  Puck. 


I 


February  Twenty-fifth 

If  ye  gie  a  woman  a'  her  will, 
Gude  faith !  she'll  soon  o'er  gang  ye. 

—  Bums. 


February  Twenty-sixth 

I  know  the  ways  of  women ;  when  you 
will  they  won't,  and  when  you  won't  they're 
^dying  for  you.  ^  Dr.  Ramage. 


"  O  sweeter  than  the  marriage  fe§^, 
*Tis  sweeter  far  to  me 
To  walk  together  to  the  kirk 
With  a  goodly  company!" 


Leap  Year 
February  Twenty-ninth 

Lasses  gae  to  him 

And  kiss  him,  and  woo  him. 

— Bums. 


Three  things  a  wise  man  will  not  tru^ — 
The  wind,  the  sunshine  of  an  April  day, 
And  woman's  plighted  faith.  __  Southey. 


March  Seventh 

If  there's  delight  in  love,  'tis  when  I  see 
TTiat   heart  which  others  bleed  for,  bleed 
for  nie-  —  Congreve. 


March  Eighth 

All  women  are  treasures,  so  much  be- 
yond price,  that  there's  no  getting  rid  of 
"^^^«  — Harrison  Ainsworth. 


Heaven  has  no. rage  like  love  to  hatred 

turned, 
Nor  H^ll  a  fury  like  a  woman  scornied. 

—  Congreve. 


March  Twelfth 

A  violent  woman  drives  a  man  to  drink, 
but  a  nagging  one  drives  him  crazy. 

—  G.  H.  Lorimer. 


March  Thirteenth 

I  tell  you  there  isn't  a  thing  under  the 
sun  that  needs  to  be  done  at  all  but  what  a 
man  can  do  better  than  a  woman. 

—  George  Eliot. 

March  Fourteenth 

If  ever  you  feel  disposed,  Samivel,  to  go 
a'  marryin*  anybody — no  matter  who — ^ju^ 
you  shut  yourself  up  in  your  own  room,  if 
youVe  got  one,  and  poison  yourself  off-hand. 

—  Dickens. 

March  Fifteenth 

When  man  and  woman  die,  as  poets  sung, 
His  heart's  the  la^  part  moves ;  her  laA,  the 
tongue.  ^  Poor  Richard. 

March  Sixteenth 

"  You  can't  buy  happiness,"  remarked 
the  bachelor. 

Tut,  tut ! "   said   the   married   man. 
"  What's  the  matter  with  spring  bonnets  ?  " 
—  Philadelphia  Record. 


March  Nineteenth 

I'D  never  love  if  I  can  help  it,  and  if  I 
love  m  bear  it  and  never  marry. 

—  George  Eliot. 


March  Twentieth 

It's  love  that  makes  the  world  go  round, 
but  it's  marriage  keeps  moA  of  the  inhabitants 
hulling,  —  PucL 


March  Twenty-second 

Oh,  I  know  the  way  o'  wives ;  they  set 
one  on  to  abuse  their  husbands,  and  then 
turn  round  and  praise  *em,  as  if  they  wanted 
to  sell  'em.  __  George  Eliot. 

March  Twenty-third 

The  in^ances  that  second  marriage  move 
Are  base  respedts  of  thrift  and  not  of  love. 

—  Shakespeare. 

March  Twenty-fourth 

"  Philosophers  like  yourself  are  either 
too  sane  or  too  insane  to  marry.  I  cannot 
make  out  ju^  which  is  the  wise  one,  he  that 
does  or  he  that  doesn't,  and  I  don't  know 
that  it  makes  much  difference  whether  I  can 
or jiQf." 


Marcli  Twenty-seventh 

Death  itself,  to  the  reflecting  mind,  is  less 
serious  than  marriage.  —  Landor. 


March  Twenty-eighth 
Women  mean  trouble,  and  dress-clothes. 

— Josephine  Dodge  Daskam. 


March  Twenty-ninth 

No  more  want  of  marriage  bell. 
No  more  need  of  bridal  favor. 

—  B.  W.  Proaor/ 


March  Thirtieth 

"It  IS  very  curious  about  w^omen,"  he 
broke  forth  after  a  long  meditative  pause. 
"  In  spite  of  all  my  pondering  on  the  subjedl, 
I  never  could  quite  underhand  the  secret  of 
their  fascination.  Their  goodness  —  if  they 
are  good  —  is  usually  of  the  quality  of  oat- 
meal —  and   w^hen   they   are    bad  * ' 

"They   are   horrid,"     I   quoted  promptly. 
"Amen,'*  he  added,  with  a  contented  chuckle, 

—  Boyeson. 


March  Thirty-first 
"  Mo^  of  man's  troubles  are  caused  by 


3rii  Mr^ 

Thou  art  a  woman,  and  therefore  a  fool. 

—  Ouida. 


April  Second 

No  wise  man  ever  married,  but  for  a 
fool  it  is  the  mo^  ambrosial  of  all  possible 
future  ^ates.  — Byron. 


April  Third 

So  true  a  fool  is  love,  that  in  your  will. 
Though  you  do  anything,  he  thinks  no  ill. 
—  Shakespeare. 


April  Fourth 

Soft  music  is  beguiling. 
But  so  are  girls  when  smiKng. 
A  smile,  a  muslin  gown,  a  curl — 
Take  care !  a  snare  —  the  Summer  Girl. 

—  Life. 


iV,v 


April  Fifth 

Matrimony  is  like  an  overwhelming  dose 
of  brandy  and  water ;  it  is  a  misfortune  into 
which  a  man  easily  falls,  and  from  which  he 
finds  it  remarkably  difficult  to  extricate  him- 
seli .  —  Dickens. 

April  Sixth 

Let  the  toa^  pass ; 
Drink  to  the  lass ; 

rU  warrant  she'll  prove  an  excuse  for  the 
glass.  —Sheridan. 

April  Seventh 

To  say  why  gals  adl  so,  or  so, 
Or  don't  'ould  be  presumin*. 
Mebby  to  mean  yes^  an'  say  no^ 
Comes  nateral  to  women.    Lowell. 


April  Eighth 

Many  a  woman  has  cut  her  own  throat 
with  her  tongue.  —Dorothy  Dix. 


April  Ninth 

"Confound  them  tjimaras,  sir.'*  =^  ^  ^ 
"They're  every  bit  as  bad,  sir,  as  women's 
tongues."  _  Maarten  Maartens. 


April  Tenth 

I  wish  some  girls  that  I  could  name 
Were  half  as  silent  as  their  pictures. 

—  Praed. 


April  Eleventh 

Before  going  to  war  say  a  prayer ;  be- 
fore going  to  sea  say  two  prayers;  before 
marrying  say  three  prayers.         Proverb. 


April  Twelfth 

Love  burns  as  long  as  a  lucifer  match. 
Wedlock's  the  candle. 

—  George  Meredith. 


Think  well  what  marriage  brings ; 
She's  fancy  now,  then  she'll  be  fadl  — 
And  fadts  are  ^ubborn  things. 

—  G.  B. 


April  Fifteenth 

It  is  good  for  a  man  to  be  brought  once, 
at  lea^,  in  his  life,  face  to  face  with  fa^^ 
ultimate  fad:,  however  horrible  it  may  be. 
—  Charles  Kingsley. 


April  Sixteenth 

Ladies,  whose  love  is  constant  as  the 
wind.  —Young. 


There  lives  within  the  very  flame  of  love 
A  kind  of  wick  or  snuff  that  doth  abate  it. 

—  Shakespeare. 


April  Nineteenth 

There  is  probably  no  other  ad  of  a 
man's  life  so  hot-headed  and  fool-hardy  as 
this  one  of  marriage.  —Stevenson. 


April  Twentieth 

For  Man  is  fire  and  Woman  is  tow, 

And  the  Somebody  comes  and  begins  to 

Wow.  —Longfellow. 


April  Twenty-fir^ 

After  forty,  men  have  married  their 
habits,  and  wives  are  only  an  item  in  the  K^, 
and  not  the  mo^  important. 

—  George  Meredith. 


April  Twenty-second 

I  dare  say  she  is  like  the  re^  of  the 
women  —  thinks  two  and  two'll  come  to 
make  five,  if  she  cries  and  bothers  enough 
abi>Ut  it.  —George  Eliot. 


April  Twenty-third 

A   second   marriage  is  the  triumph  of 
hope  over  experience.  _Dr.  Johnson. 


April  Twenty-fourth 

Love  cools,  friendship  falls  off. 
Brothers  divide.  —Shakespeare. 


April  Twenty-seventh 

A  fool  and  his  honey  are  soon  mated. 
—  The  Cynic's  Calendar. 


April  Twenty-eighth 

It  is  very  beautiful  to  be  in  love,  but  it  is 
a  great  reKef  to  be  out  of  it. 

—  R.  W.St.  Hill. 


I 


May  Second 

If  you  would  make  a  good  pair  of  shoes, 
take  for  the  sole  the  tongue  of  a  woman ; 
it  never  wears  out.  _  Alsatian  Proverb. 


I 


May  Third 


May  Fifth 

Oh  !  how  many  torments  lie 

In  the  small  circle  of  a  wedding  ring. 

—  Colley  Gibber. 

May  Sixth 

Poor  Mountf ord  Wilts  boailed  of  know- 
ing women,  and  he  married.  To  jump  into 
the  mouth  of  an  enigma  is  not  to  read  it. 

—  George  Meredith. 
y 

May  Seventh 

Wooing,  wedding,  and  repenting  is  as  a 
Scotch  jig.  —Shakespeare. 

May  Eighth 

Old  King  Cole 

Was  a  jolly  old  soul, 

And  a  jolly  old  soul  was  he ; 

And  why  was  he  merry  ? 

'Tis  elWent,  very, 

Because ^there  was  no  Mrs.  C. 

—  Puck. 


A  decent,  ^eady,  sober  man  — 
No  saint,  however — not  at  all. 

—  Gilbert. 


May  Eleventh 

Seek  not  for  favour  of  women.   So  shall  you 

find  it  indeed ; 
Does  not  the  boar  break  cover  ju^  when 

you're  lighting  a  weed?  —Kipling. 


May  Twelfth 

A  mighty  pain  to  love  it  is. 

—  Cowley. 


May  Fourteenth 

Women,  plain  or  fair,  do  not  readily  forgive. 
—  William  Sharp. 

May  Fifteenth 

Can  I  again  that  look  recall 
That  once  could  make  me  die 
for  thee? 
No,  no !  the  eye  that  beams  on  all 
Shall  never  more  be  prized  by  me. 
—  Moore. 

May  Sixteenth 

Well,  dere  ain't  no  tellin'  'bout  womin; 
de  mug  w^ot  tinks  'e's  er  safe  winner  vv^en 
womin  is  de  ^ake,  dat  mug  is  a  farmer, 
S^re .  —  Townsend. 


I 


What  they  do  in  heaven  we  are  igno- 
rant of;  what  they  do  not,  we  are  told 
expressly :  they  neither  marry  nor  are  given 
in  marriage.  —Swift. 

May  Twentieth 

For  in  the  resurredliori  they  neither 
marry,  nor  are  given  in  marriage,  but  are  as 
the  angels  which  are  in  heaven. 

—St.  Matt,  xxii:  30;  St.  Mark  xii:  25; 
St.  Luke  XX :  34-36. 


May  Twenty-third 

Make  *im  take  'er,  an'  keep  *er  ;  that's 
hell  for  'em  both.  _  Kipling, 


May  Twenty-fourth 

Old  maids  lead  apes  there  ^  where  the 
old  bachelors  are  turned  to  apes. 

^  In  hell.  —  Poor  Richard. 


Ho !  pretty  page,  of  the  dimpled  chin, 
All  your  wish  is  woman  to  win ; 
This  is  the  way  that  boys  begin.     . 
Wait  till  you  come  to  forty  year. 

— Thackeray. 


May  Twenty-eighth 

Mo^  men  know  what  they  hate,  few 
what  they  love.  —  Colton. 


May  Twenty-ninth 

Though  I  own  that  my  heart  has  been 

ranging, 
Of  nature  the  laws  I  obey, 
For  nature  is  con^antly  changing. 

—  Gilbert. 


May  Thirtieth 

Can  we  forget  so  easily,  my  Lord?     A 
woman  can.  _  Lew  Wallace. 


May  Thirty-fir^ 

We  aren't  no  thin  red  *eroes,  nor  we  ^aren't 

no  blackguards,  too, 
But  single  men  in  barricks,  mo^  remarkable, 

like  you ; 
An*  if  some  times  our  conduck  isn't  all  your 

fancy  paints, 
Why,  single  men  in  barricks  don't  grow  into 

placer  saints.  —Kipling. 


June   Fifth 

Three  Good  Reasons 

A  Scottish  miniver  who  was  indefatiga- 
ble in  looking  up  his  folk  one  day  called 
upon  a  parishioner.  "Richard/*  he  said, 
"  I  hae  na  seen  ye  at  the  kirk  for  some  time, 
and  wad  like  to  know  the  reason."  **  Weel, 
sir,**  answered  Richard.  "  I  hae  three  de- 
cided objections  to  goin*.  Firmly,  I  dinna 
believe  in  being  whaur  ye  does  a'  the  talkin*; 
secondly,  I  dinna  believe  in  si'  muckle  singin*, 
an*,  thirdly,  an*  in  conclusion,  *twas  there  I 
got  my  wife.**  _  Albany  Argus. 


June   Sixth 
A  woman's  double. 


-Hood. 


June  Seventh 

A  man  mu^  be  tolerably  weak  who 
submits  to  petticoat  government  and  allows 
himself  to  be  henpecked.  —Ednah  Robinson. 


June  Eighth 

Love   is    a    sudden   blaze   which   soon 
decays.  —Gay. 


June  Tenth 

Their  tricks  an*  craft  hae  put  me  daft, 
They Ve  ta'en  me  in,  an'  a*  that ; 
But  clear  your  decks,  an'  here's  "  The  Sex," 
I  Kke  the  jades  for  a'  that.  Bums. 


June  Eleventh 

We've  got  to  take  the  bitters  with  the 
sweets;  but  unless  they  are  very  carefully 
compounded  with  other  choice  ingredients, 
they  make  a  mighty  poor  cocktail.  py^^j^ 


June  Twelfth 

Marriage  is  a  desperate  thing. 

—  John  Selden. 


June  Thirteenth 

*Tis  woman  that  seduces  all  mankind; 
By  her  we  fir^  were  taught  the  wheedling 
arts.  __  Gay. 

June  Fourteenth 

If  you  want  to  be  on  good  terms  with 
women,  knock  at  the  door  of  their  vanity, 
and  you  will  always  find  them  at  home. 

—  MaxO'Rell. 

June  Fifteenth 

*'  Do  you  think  bachelors  ought  to  be 
taxed  ?  "  asked  Willie  Washington. . 

"No,"  answered  Miss  Cayenne.  **I 
think  the  girls  ought  to  make  up  purses  and 
pay  them  bounties  for  not  making  homes 
unhappy."  —  Washington  Star. 

June  Sixteenth 

— it*s  an  impious,  unscriptural  opinion  to 
say  a  woman's  a  blessing  to  a  man  now. 

—  George  Eliot. 


June  Seventeenth 

Jack  Barrett  went  to  Quetta, 
And  there  gave  up  the  gho§l. 

And  Mrs.  Barrett  mourned  for  him 
Five  Kvely  months  at  mo^. 

—  Kipling. 

June  Eighteenth 

"There  is  only  one  thing  that  irritateth 
a  Woman  more  than  a  Man  who  doth  not 
underhand  her,  and  that  is  the  Man  who 
doth." 

June  Nineteenth 

"  Drink  to  fair  woman,  who,  I  think, 
Is  mo^  entitled  to  it ; 
For  if  anj^hing  drives  men  to  drink 
She  certainly  can  do  it.*' 

June  Twentieth 

Men  talk  of  the  influence  of  women, 
but  do  women  really  influence  us  at  all  ? 

—  Richard  le  Gallienne. 


June  Twenty-fir^ 

"  Men  think  women  to  be  angels.  It  is 
not  so.  Woman  dwells  in  the  cask  of  her 
own  opinion,  and  looks  out  through  the 
bunghole  of  one  idea.*' 


June  Twenty-second 

**  In  all  this  foolish  world,  no  creature  is 
so  unmitigated  a  fool  as  man  —  excepting 
always  woman.** 


June  Twenty-third 

To  paint  an  angel's  kittle  wark, 
Wi'  Nick  there's  little  danger : 

You'll  easy  draw  a  lang-kent  face, 

But  no  sae  weel  a  danger.       — Burns. 


June  Twenty-fourth 

"  Commend  a  wedded  life,  but  keep  thy- 
self a  bachelor.*' 


June  Twenty-fifth 

"  Here's  to  Woman,  the  source  of  all  our 

bliss ; 
There's  a  foreta^e  of  heaven  in  her  kiss ; 
But  from  the  Queen  upon  her  throne,  to  the 

maiden  in  the  dairy, 
They    are    all   aKke,    in   one    respedt  — 

*  contrary.'  " 

June  Twenty-sixth 

Marriage  from  love,  like  vinegar  from  wine  — 
A  sad,  sour,  sober  beverage.         __  Byron. 

lune  Twenty-seventh 

Women  are  books,  and  men  the  readers  be. 
Who  sometimes  in  those  books  errata  see. 
—  Poor  Richard. 

June  Twenty-eighth 

My  only  books 
Were  woman's  looks, 
And  folly's  all  they've  taught  me. 

—  Moore. 


June  Thirtieth 


The  temper  of  chums,  the  love  of  your  wife, 

and  a  new  piano's  tune  — 
Which  of  the  three  will  you  tru^l  at  trie  end 

of  an  Indian  June?  —Kipling. 


July  Fir^ 

He  (Thales)  was  reputed  one  of  the 
wise  men  that  made  answer  to  the  que^on 
when  a  man  should  marry;  a  young  man 
not  yet,  an  elder  man  not  at  all.    —Bacon. 

July  Second 

'Tis  melancholy,  and  a  fearful  sign 
Of  human  frailty,  folly,  also  crime, 
That  love  and  marriage  rarely  can  combine. 

—  Byron. 

July  Third 

"  Papa,  what  is  a  king?*'  "  A  king,  my 
child,  is  a  person  whose  authority  is  pra(5tically 
unlimited,  whose  word  is  law,  and  whom 
everybody  mu^  obey."  "  Papa,  is  mamma 
a  king  ?"  —  Pittsburg  Bulletin. 

July  Fourth 

Secrets  with  giris,  like  guns  with  boys. 
Are  never  valued  till  they  make  a  noise. 

-—  Crabbe. 


Ah,  the  women  are  quick  enough-— 
theyVe  quick  enough !  They  know  the 
rights  of  a  ^ory  before  they  hear  it,  and  can 
tell  a  man  what  his  thoughts  are  before  he 
knows  *em  himself.  _  George  Eliot. 


July  Seventh 

That  man  that  hath  a  tongue,  I  say,  is  no 

man, 
If  with  that  tongue  he  cannot  win  a  woman. 

—  Shakespeare. 


July  Eighth 

Rash  mortals,  ere  you  take  a  wife. 
Contrive  your  pile  to  la^  for  life. 

—  Poor  Richard, 


July  Eleventh 

I  commended  mirth  because  a  man  hath 
no  better  thing  under  the  sun  than  to  eat, 
and  to  drink,  and  to  be  merry. 

—  Ecclesia^ics  viii :  15. 


July  Twelfth 

Love  is  not  altogether  a  delirium,  yet  it 
has  many  points  in  common  therewith. 

—  Colton. 


jfe^H'^ 


July  Thirteenth 

I  have  beheld 
The  weathercock  upon  the  steeple  point, 
Steady  from  mom  till  eve,  and  I  have  seen 
The  bees  go  forth  upon  an  April  mom. 
Secure  the  sunshine  v^ill  not  end  in  show^ers  • 
But  when  was  woman  true  ?       —  Southey. 

July  Fourteenth 

Since  the  days  of  Troy,  or  of  Lilith, 
men  have  delighted  in  calling  women 
weathercocks.  —William  Sharp. 

July  Fifteenth 

Thou  art  wedded  to  calamity. 

—  Shakespeare. 

July  Sixteenth 

I  cannot  eat  but  little  meat. 
My  ^omach  is  not  good ; 

But  sure,  I  think,  that  I  can  drink 
With  him  that  wears  a  hood. 

—  Bishop  Still  Qohn). 


July  Seventeenth 

The  gloom  of  my  bachelor  days  is  flecked 

with  the  cheery  light 
Of  ^umps  that  I  burned  to  friendship,  and 

pleasure,  and  work,  and  fight. 

—  Kipling. 

July  Eighteenth 

Lady  (to  departing  servant) — "What 
shall  I  say  in  your  reference  }  " 

Servant — "Ju^  that  I  ^ood  it  for  six 
months  with  you,  mum  —  that'll  do  for  me.*' 

— Tid-Bits. 

July  Nineteenth 

Mo^  women  have  no  charadlers  at  all. 

—  Pope. 

July  Twentieth 

—  if  dere's  a  woman  in  de  game,  youse 
wanter  keep  yer  eye  peeled  all  de  time,  fer 
if  yer  snooze  —  wy  wen  yer  wakes  up,  yer 
aintinit.     Dat*s  right.  —  Townsend. 


i 


July  Twenty-fir^ 

When  a  man  has  seen  the  woman 
whom  he  would  have  chosen  if  he  intended 
to  marry  speedily,  his  remaining  a  bachelor 
will  usually  depend  on  her  resolution  rather 
than  his.  —George  Eliot. 

July  Twenty-second 

"But  how  to  know  beauty  in  woman, 
when  one  sees  it,  that  is  the  que^on,'*  said 
a  disappointed  bachelor  friend  the  other  day. 

—  William  Sharp. 


July  Twenty-third 

'  Tis  not  her  air,  for  sure  in  that 

There*s  nothing  more  than  common, 

And  all  her  sense  is  only  chat, 

Like  any  other  woman.  —Whitehead. 


July  Twenty-fourth 

Get  you  home  and  do  not  ^and  dis- 
puting with  me,  for  you  know  I  am  a  Sala- 
mancan  Bachelor  of  Arts,  and  there  is  no 
bachelorizing  beyond  that.         —  Cervantes. 


July  Twenty-seventh 

Plain  women  he  regarded  as  he  did  the 
other  severe  fad:s  of  life,  to  be  faced  with 
philosophy  and  inve^gated  by  science. 

—  George  Eliot. 


July  Twenty-eighth 

The  handsome^  woman  looks  homely 
sometimes,  and  so  you  get  a  little  variety;  but  a 
homely  one  can  only  look  worse  than  usual. 
—  G.  H.  Lorimer, 


July  Thirtieth 


Love  is  a  familiar.     Love  is  a  devil. 

—  Shakespeare. 


July  Thirty-fir^ 

In  matrimony,  love  is  only  hors   d'  ceuvre; 
friendship  is  the  piece  de  resistance. 

—  MaxO'Rell. 


Augu^  Fir^ 

Show  me  on  earth  a  thing  so  rare, 
ril  own  all  miracles  are  true, 

To  make  one  maid  sincere  and  fair ; 
Oh  !  *  tis  the  utmo^  Heaven  can  do. 
—  Moore. 


Augu^  Second 

Man's  love  is  of  man's  life  a  thing  apart ; 
'  Tis  woman's  whole  exigence.    Byron. 


Augu^  Third 
Alas !  for  love,  if  thou  art  all. 

—  Felicia  Hemans. 


Augu^  Fourth 

Woman  is  but  warld's  gear, 
Sae  let  the  bonnie  lass  gang.     —  Burns. 


»^^ 


Augu^  Seventh 

Madam,  we  have  no  Animosity  — 
We  hit  off  a  Kttle  now  and  then,  but  no 
Animosity.  _  Shakespeare. 


Augu^  Eighth 

Have  you  not  heard  it  said  full  oft, 
A  woman's  nay  doth  ^and  for  naught  ? 
—  Shakespeare. 


Augu^  Ninth 

"  You  disobeyed  me,  Tommy.  Didn't  I 
say  *no'  when  you  asked  for  another  piece  of 
cake  ?  " 

"Well,  maybe  you  think  I  don't  know 
what  a  woman's  '  no '  means." 

^  —  Town  and  Country. 

Augu^  Tenth 

In  wedlock  a  species  of  lottery  lies. 
Where  in  blanks  and  in  prizes  they  deal. 

—  Moore. 


Augu^  Eleventh 

Marriage  is  a  rafHe,  not  a  lottery.  One 
man  gets  the  prize,  while  the  other  gets  the 
shake.  —  Chicago  Daily  News. 


Augu^  Twelfth 

These  are  Women,  are  they  not  ? 

—  Shakespeare 


O  marriage  !     Marriage,  what  a  curse  is 
tJ^ine!  —Aaron  Hill. 


Augu^  Sixteenth 

Pleasant  the  snaffle  of  courtship ;  improving 

the  manners  and  carriage  ; 
But  the  colt  who  is  wise  will  abstain  from 

the  terrible  thorn-bit  of  marriage. 

—  Kipling. 


Augu^  Seventeenth 

Wedding  rings  worse  are  than   manacled 

wri^s, 
Such  is  the  creed  of  the  Positivi^s. 

—  Gilbert. 


Augu^  Eighteenth 
Every  woman  is  the  same.     Congreve. 

Augu^  Nineteenth 

Sweet  is  revenge — especially  to  women. 

—  B)nron. 


Augu^  Twentieth 

Half  the  sorrows  of  women  would  be 
averted  if  they  could  repress  the  speech  they 
know  to  be  useless  —  nay,  the  speech  they 
have  resolved  not  to  utter.    —George  Eliot. 


The  reason  why  so  few  marriages  are 
happy  is  because  young  ladies  spend  their 
time  in  making  nets,  not  in  making  cages. 

—  Swift. 


Augu^  Twenty-third 

An  angry  woman  never  won  a  man. 
—  Lew  Wallace. 


Augu^  Twenty-fourth 

Tongue ;  well,  that's  a  werry  good  thing 
when  it  ain*t  a  woman's.  Dickens. 


i 


Augu^  Twenty-sixth 


Marriage,  indeed,  may  qualify  the  fury 
of  his  passions,  but  it  very  rarely  mends  his 
"tanners.  —  Congreve. 


I 


Augu^  Twenty-seventh 

One  bad  woman  can  ruin  more  men 
than  twenty  good  women  can  redeem. 

■ —  Lavinia  Hart. 


.  Augu^  Twenty-eighth 

T/ie  sex,  the  fair  sex,  the  unfair  sex,  the 
gentle  sex,  the  barbaric  sex. 

— Henry  Harland. 


Augu^  Thirty-fir^ 


The  love  of  books,  the  love  of  books, 

It  passeth  love  of  maids ; 
It  doth  not  fade  v^th  fading  looks, 

Like  love  of  them — the  jades  ! 

—  W.  D.  Elwanger, 


September  Seventh 

Who  lo^  Mark  Anthony  the  world? 
A  woman. 


September  Eighth 

Who  was  the  cause  of  a  long  ten  years* 

war, 
And  laid  at  la^  old  Troy  m  ashes  ? 

Woman 


A  silly,  big-eyed,  clinging  little  woman 
who  doesn't  weigh  a  hundred  pounds,  can 
drag  down  the  ^onge^  man  like  a  mill^one 
around  his  neck.  _  Nancy  Huilon  Banks. 


September  Twelfth 

Fatal  this  marriage,  cancelling  your  fame. 
Razing  the  characflers  of  your  renown. 

—  Shakespeare 


September  Thirteenth 

If  ever  you're  attacked  with  the  gout,  sir, 
ju^  you  marry  a  widow  as  has  got  a  good, 
loud  voice,,  with  a  decent  notion  of  usin*  it, 
and  you*ll  never  have  the  gout  again. 

—  Dickens. 

September  Fourteenth 

Shall  I  never  see  a  bachelor  of  three- 
score again?  —Shakespeare. 

September  Fifteenth 

I  hate  a  match.  1  feel  sure  that  brim- 
^one  matches  were  never  made  in  heaven ; 
and  it  is  sad  to  think  that  with  few  excep- 
tions matches  are  all  of  them  tipped  with 
brim^one.  _ike  Marvel. 

September  Sixteenth 

A  wit  should  be  no  more  sincere  than 
a  Woman  con^ant.  —  Congreve. 


September  Eighteenth 
Let   not   the   heavens   hear   these    tell-tale 


women 
Rail  on  the  Lord's  anointed! 


—  Shakespeare. 


September  Nineteenth 

Love  seldom  haunts   the  brea^  where 
learning  lies.  —Pope. 


September  Twentieth 

"  An  hone^  man  may  like  a  lass," 
Mo^  hone^  men  prefer  a  glass. 


September  Twenty-second 


Be  werry  careful  o*  widders  all  your  life, 
Sammy.  _Dickens. 

September  Twenty-third 

The  faithless  winds,  blind  rocks,  and  sinking 

sands. 
Are  women  all  —  the  wreck  of   wretched 

nnien!  _Lee. 


I 


September  Twenty-fourth 

Fortune  is  capricious  because  she  is 
feminine;  for  the  same  reason  she  is  easily 
bluffed.  Life. 


of  life. 


September  Twenty-seventh 

Marriage  is  the  hitching-po^  on  the  road 
—  Exchange. 


September  Twenty-eighth 

Think  not  thy  friend  can  ever  feel  the  soft, 
Unmanly  warmth  and  tenderness  of  love. 

— Shakespeare. 


— Atchison  Globe. 


Odober  Fir^ 

rd  rather  be  married  in  Ocflober  than 
any  other  time  of  the  year,  if  Tve  got  to  be. 
It*s  kind  of  melancholy  then,  and  one  sees 
everything  goin*  to  pieces,  and  don't  mind 
what  one  does.  —  Hezekiah  Butterworth. 

Odober  Second 

A  man  is  woman  and  a  man  besides, 
A  woman  only  a  woman. 

—  Richard  le  Gallienne. 

Odober  Third 

But  what  is  woman?  Only  one  of 
Nature's  agreeable  blunders. 

—  Mrs.  Cowley. 

Odober  Fourth 

A  woman  is  like  to — but  ^ay, 
What  a  woman  is  like  who  can  say ; 
There's  no  living  with  or  without  one  ; 
She's  like  nothing  on  earth  but  a  woman. 

—  Hoare. 


Odober  Fifth 

One  woman  is  fair,  yet  I  am  well; 
another  is  wise,  yet  I  am  well ;  another  vir- 
tuous, yet  I  am  well ;  but  till  all  graces  be 
in,  one  woman,  one  woman  shall  not  come 
into  my  grace.  -^  Shakespeare. 


Odober  Sixth 

Marriage  is  so  unlike  everything  else. 
There  is  something  even  awful  in  the  near- 
ness it  brings.  _  George  Eliot. 


Odober  Seventh 

There   is   scarcely  a   lawsuit   unless   a 
woman  is  the  cause  of  it.  —Juvenal. 


Odober  Eighth 

Twentieth  century  progress  —  a  mar- 
riage certificate  with  a  divoftc  coupon 
attached. 


This  day,  two  years,  I  was  married; 
*  Whom  the  Lord  loveth  he  cha^eneth.' 

—  Byron. 

Odober  Tenth 

Ship  me  somewheres  ea^  of  Suez,  where 

the  be^  is  like  the  wor^. 
Where  there  aren't  no  Ten  Commandments 

an'  a  man  can  raise  a  thir^. 

—  Kipling. 


Odober  Eleventh 

Good  wine  I  find  a  great  ^engthener 
of  the  Bachelor  heart.  _  ike  Marvel. 


Odober  Twelfth 

Of  all  the  actions  of  a  man's  life  his 
marriage  doth  lea^  concern  other  people; 
yet  of  all  adlions  of  our  life  it  is  mo^  meddled 
with  by  other  people.  —  Selden. 


"  O  woman  !  in  our  hours  of  ease, 
Uncertain,  coy,  and  hard  to  please.'* 

—  Scott. 


Odober  Fifteenth 

*  Yet  seen  too  oft,  familiar  with  her  face, 
We  fir^  endure,  then  pity,  then  embrace.'* 

—  Pope. 


October  Sixteenth 

We  are  beguiled  by  woman,  fooled  by 
woman,  led  on,  put  off,  tantalized  by  woman, 
fretted  and  bullied  by  her. 

—  Henry  Harland. 


Odtober  Eighteenth 


What  is  a  fir^  love  worth,   except  to 
prepare  for  a  second  ?  _  John  Hay. 


Ocftober  Nineteenth 

What    does    the   second    love    bring? 
Only  regret  for  the  fir^.  —John  Hay. 


I 


Odober  Twentieth 

A  wedding  is  a  licensed  subjedl  to  joke 
upon,  but  there  is  really  no  great  joke  in  the 
matter,  after  all.  _  Dickens. 


waves, 
Should  never  hazard  what  he  fears 
to  lose.** 


Odober  Twenty-third 

Frailty,  thy  name  is  woman  ! 

—  Shakespeare, 


Odober  Twenty-fourth 

To  think  of  all  the  wrong,  and  wretch- 
edness, that  one  foolish  baby  face  can  cause ! 
—  Robert  Grant. 


Od:ober  Twenty-seventh 

You  can  tru^  a  woman's  ta^e  on  every- 
thing except  men.  _g.  H.  Lorimer. 


Odlober  Twenty-eighth 

I  cannot  fitKer  compare  marriage  than  to 
a  lottery.  —Boyle. 


Odober  Twenty-ninth 

Woman  has  always  managed  to  make 
man  provide  for  her ;  ^  ^  >K  under  the 
pretext  of  giving  him  the  upper  hand,  she 
has  left  him  all  the  anxiety  and  responsibility. 

—  John  Davidson. 

Oaober  Thirtieth 

Don't  tell  me  about  God  having  made 
such  creatures  to  be  companions  for  us  !  I 
don't  say  but  He  might  make  Eve  to  be  a 
companion  for  Adam  in  Paradise  —  there 
was  no  cooking  to  be  spoilt  there,  and  no 
other  women  to  cackle  with  and  make  mis- 
chief ;  though  you  see  what  mischief  she  did 
as  soon  as  she'd  an  opportunity. 

—  George  Eliot. 


Odtober  Thirty-fir^ 

"  MARRIED ! "  He  topped  short, 
smiled  dully,  and  added  in  a  low,  vindictive 
tone,  *'It  serves  him  right !  "        Dickens. 


November  Fifth 

BeHeve  a  woman,  or  an  epitaph, 
Or  any  other  thing  that's  false. 

—  Byron. 

November  Sixth 

"Jimmie,  dey  t^ll  me  you  is  a  woman 
hater.'* 

"  Naw,  I  ain*t.     I  despise  de  so-called 
fair  sex  too  much  even  to  hate  'em.** 

—  The  Examiner. 

November  Seventh 

They  that  marry  ancient  people  merely 
to  bury  them  hang  themselves  in  the  hope 
that  some  one  will  come  and  cut  them  down. 
— Thomas  Fuller. 

November  Eighth 
Love!     Fanta^c  power !         Prjor. 


"  —  it*ll  be  a  werry  agonizin'  trial  to  see 
you  married,  Sammy,  to  see  you  a  deluded 
widtim."  —Dickens. 


November  Eleventh 

There's  small  choice  in  rotten  apples ! 
—  Shakespeare. 


November  Twelfth 

IVe   seen   your    ^ormy    seas    and    ^ormy 

women. 
And  pity  lovers  rather  more  than  seamen. 

—  Byron. 


November  Fourteenth 


A  bachelor 
May  thrive  by  observation  on  a  little, 
A  single  life's  no  burthen. 

—  John  Ford. 


November  Fifteenth 

Man  proposes  and  woman  sues  him  for 
breach  of  promise.  —John  Eliot. 


November  Sixteenth 

To  remain  a  w^oman's  ideal,  a  man  mu^ 
die  a  bachelor.  —Smart  Set. 


November  Nineteenth 

She  has  a  tongue  with  a  tang. 

—  Shakespeare. 


November  Tw^entieth 

O  woman, — what  di^ra(5tion  was  meant 
mankind  when  thou  wa^  made  a  devil ! 

—  Beaumont  and  Fletcher. 


^'V^ 


November  Twenty-fir^ 
My  lord,  I  hope  you  are  pepper-proof. 

—  Swift. 

November  Tw^enty-second 

Say,  Fm  tinkin*  women  allers  does  a 
ting  'cause  dey  don't  wanter ;  or  mebbe  dey 
don't  wanter  'cause  dey  can.  Dere  curves 
is  too  much  for  a  farmer  like  me. 

—  Edward  Townsend. 


November  Twenty-third 

"Jack  wants  a  quiet  wedding." 
"•Let  him  have  it.     It's  the  la^  quiet  day 
he'll  ever  have."  _  Examiner. 


November  Twenty-fourth 

Edith — The  man  I  marry  mu^  be  bold 
and  fearless. 

Ethel — Yes,  dear,  he  mu^.      _  Puck. 


November  Twenty-fifth 

Two   women  placed  together    make    cold 
weather.  —Shakespeare. 

November  Twenty-sixth 

"She  was  a  woman, —  therefore  she  was 
jealous." 

November  Twenty-seventh 

Woman 
Away,  away !  —  youVe  all  the  same, 
A  flattering,  smiling,  jilting  throng. 

—  Moore. 

November  Twenty-eighth 

He  Knew 

St.  Peter  (to  fir^  applicant)  — 
Were  you  married  while  on  earth  ? 

F.  A. —  I  was ;  twice. 

St.  Peter — Walk  in  —  you  deserve  it. 
(To  second  applicant)  —  And  you  ? 

S.  A. —  Single  all  my  life,  your  Holiness. 

St.  Peter  — Then  youVe  had  your  good 
time.  What  the  devil  do  you  want  here  ? 
(Slams  the  door  viciously.)      jhe  Wasp. 


November  Twenty-ninth 

They  (the  men)  know  they  are  only 
human,  after  all ;  they  know  what  gins  and 
pitfalls  lie  about  their  feet,  and  how  the 
shadow  of  matrimony  waits  resolute  and 
awful  at  the  cross-roads.  They  would  wish 
to  keep  their  liberty,  but  that  may  not  be . 
God's  will  be  ddnCo  —Stevenson. 


November  Thirtieth 

If  there's  anything  on  God's  earth  troub- 
lesome to  deal  with  at  the  breakfa^  table 
or  on  the  witness-^and  it's  a  woman. 

Troublesome  ?    Exasperating  ?    DeviL 


ish  I 


—  Mrs.  Burton  Harrison. 


I 


December  Firit 

Pa,  what  IS  a  harem  ? 
Well,    sonny,  it's  a  sort  of  department 
fireside.  _ Chicago  Record- Herald. 


December  Second 

Many  a  good  hanging  prevents  a  bad 
marriage.  „  Shakespeare. 


December  Third 

Love  —  a  Highland  plaid  — 
All  ^uff ;.  and  very  often  full  of  crosses. 

—  Praed. 


December  Fourth 

—  debt  leads  man  to  wed. 
And  marriage  leads  to  debt. 

—  Kipling. 


December  Fifth 

Who  to  a  woman  tru^s  his  peace  of  mind, 
Tru^s  a  frail  bark  to  a  tempe^uous  wind. 

—  Granville. 

December  Sixth 

Think  you,  if  Laura  had  been  Petrarch's 

wife, 
He  would  have  written  sonnets  all  his  life? 

—  Byron. 

December  Seventh 

Never  thread  was  spun  so  fine, 
Never  spider  Wretched  the  Kne, 
Would  not  hold  the  lovers  true 
That  would  really  swing  for  you. 

—  Holmes. 

December  Eighth 

Marriage  is  a  ^ep  so  grave  and  decisive 
that  it  attracts  light-headed,  variable  men  by 
its  very  awfulness.  »_r.  l.  Stevenson. 


"  He  who  marries  a  wife  and  he  who 
goes  to  the  war  mu^  necessarily  take  the 
consequences." 

December  Eleventh 

Marriage  is  a  fea^  where  the  grace  is 
sometimes  better  than  the  dinner. 

—  Colton. 


December  Twelfth 

"Thou  do^  look  the  very  Prie^  of 
Hjnnen !  *' 

In  short,  I  may  be  called  so,  for  I  deal 
in  repentance  and  mortification. Sheridan. 


Marriage  is  the  point  on  which  we  mu^ 
make  a  ^and.  _  Anthony  Hope. 

December  Sixteenth 

A  ribbon  bright  or  dull,  which  I  can  skein 
About  my  fingers,  or  a  flower  of  spring 
Which  ^ales  at  noon  of    plucking  in  the 

morn, 
For  they    are  solid  things  compared  with 

faith 

In  woman.  —Lew  Wallace. 


What  is  a  Sage,  Papa  ?     A  Sage,  my 
son,  is  a  man  who  never  marries. 

—  Exchange. 


December  Twentieth 

Dick— He  married,  did  he?  Well, 
some  fellows  don't  know  when  they Ve  well 
off. 

Jack  —  Well,  in  this  case  he  knew  the 
girl  was  well  off.  puj.[^ 


"Two  things  women  are  supposed  to 
jump  at — a  mouse,  and  an  offer  of  marriage." 


December  Twenty-second 

**Ye  can  hae  little  rael  pleasure  in  a 
merrige/*  explained  the  grave-digger,  in 
whom,  perhaps,  the  serious  side  had  been 
abnormally  developed,  "for  ye  never  ken 
hoo  it  will  turn  out ;  but  there's  nae  risk  in 
a  burial."  _  lan  MacLaren. 


December  Twenty-third 


Thus  grief    ^11  treads  upon  the 'heels   of 

pleasure ; 
Married  in  ha^e,  we  may  repent  at  leisure. 

—  Congreve. 


December  Twenty-fourth 
My  God !     I  have  fallen  in  love ! 


—  E.  F.  Benson. 


An  Old  Bachelor 

Chri^mas  Eve 
'Twas  raw,  and  chill,  and  cold  outside, 

With  a  boi^erous  wind  untamed. 
But  I  was  sitting  snug  within. 
Where  my  good  log-fire  flamed. 
As  my  clock  ticked, 
My  cat  purred, 
And  my  kettle  sang. 

I  read  me  a  tale  of  war  and  love. 

Brave  knights  and  their  ladies  fair  ; 
And  I  brewed  a  brew  of  ^ff  hot-scotch 
To  drive  away  dull  care. 
As  my  clock  ticked, 
My  cat  purred, 
And  my  kettle  sang. 

At  la^  the  candles  sputtered  out, 

But  the  embers  ^11  were  bright. 
When  I  turned  my  tumbler  upside  down. 
An'  bade  m*self  g*night ! 
As  th'  ketl  t-hic-ked, 
The  clock  purred, 
And  the  cat  (hie)  sang ! 

—  Tudor  Jenks. 


December  Twenty-seventh 

Paint  that  figure*s  pKant  grace, 
As  she  toward  me  leaned  her  face, 
Half  refused  and  half  resigned, 
Murmuring,  "  Art  thou  ^ill  unkind?  ** 
Many  a  broken  promise  then 
Was  new  made — to  break  again. 

—  Matthew  Arnold. 

December  Twenty-eighth 

Tru^  not  a  woman,  even  when  she  is 
dead.  —  Buckley. 


December  Thirtieth 

If  you  tru^  a  man,  let  him  be  a  bachelor, 
let  him  be  a  bachelor.  —George  Eliot. 


December  Thirty-fir^ 

When  I  said  I  would  die  a  bachelor,  I 
did  not  think  I  should  live  till  I  were  married. 


-She 


The  Tomoye  Press 
San  Francisco,  Cal. 


■PFW^PPPW^ 


